Back in February, I saw an offer for a portable vibration workout machine (not to be confused with more personal portable vibration machines). The advertising claimed that you can get fit fast with Whole Body Vibration; using the mini vibration plate just 10 minutes 3 times a week, your fitness goals will be reached – guaranteed!! Surprisingly, I hemmed and hawed, but didn’t end up buying it – shocking, I know. Probably because I didn’t have any fitness goals at the time, other than being able to continue to lift my wine glass to my mouth.
Then, I was chatting with a friend of mine who bought one for herself from a different deal site a few months prior, and she was raving about it! I mean, I had tried full-sized versions of these machines myself several years ago, and had noticed my wobbly bits did tone up… So when the deal came up again, that was enough to make me jump at the chance to make this home model mine, all mine – and at such a fantastic price, I’d be losing money not to buy it, right?
Due to popular demand, it only arrived last week. I managed to take it out of the enormous box it arrived in, and hauled it upstairs, where it has sat, mocking me, ever since. As the website boasts, “at just 52 pounds, it is a very solid unit…”. No shit, Sherlock! Thanks to my mild dyslexia, I had remembered this as being 32 pounds. Let me tell you, 20 pounds does, in fact, make a difference. I guess I’ve been lying to myself about that ever since school days… Who knew?
Anywho, I decided it was time to peel back the bubble wrap, and fire that baby up. Gawd, I love popping bubble wrap – yes, it is just as much fun as when you were a kid, pretending you were setting off firecrackers by jumping around on it… c’mon, it couldn’t have just been moi?!? It seemed fairly self-explanatory to assemble, so I plugged it in, screwed on the handles, turned it on, grabbed the remote, and stood on it as it shook me all night long for like 10 minutes. That seemed like the appropriate moment to peruse the ‘Users Manual’. Now, I want to know whose job it is to write these pamphlets, because clearly, they are underpaid. I mean, I learned such invaluable tidbits as:
- “Keep the unsupervised children away from the vibration plate at all times.” I presume the unsupervised children are never to come in contact with the supervised ones?
- “Do not smoke while using the vibration plate.” Even if your hookah is handy?
- “Handicapped people should not use the vibration plate without help of others.”
Seriously?? And right at the back, after I finished the default 10-minute session, my personal favourite: “Do not use the vibration plate the full 10 minutes for the first time. Gradually increase time with use.” Oops… You’d think that would be more page 1 worthy. There’s also an introduction and training DVD that came with it, in a plastic wrapper that looks tricky to open. After standing on that thing for 10 minutes, though, I’m pooped! Okay, not really, but I’ll look at it later. Probably. Maybe. It could happen…?
In any event, I really like this thing! This might be my best voucher purchase to date. I’ve named her Priscilla. She’s sassy, and, with any luck, she will help to make my assy more classy! Sorry, couldn’t resist… 10 minute workout sessions though? Talk about a dream come true for someone with Shiny Object Syndrome like moi! I am looking forward to getting more good vibrations on a regular basis. Hmm… Why is it that everything I type these days sounds dirty? Must be spring fever – or maybe I’m just getting jiggy with the vision of my future svelte self, hard to say (pun intended). Now where can I find me some unsupervised, handicapped smoking children to come over and play? I mean, what’s the worst that could possibly happen? (Sooo kidding!) Happy Monday.