Day 59: Bite the Hand That Feeds Me.

Posted on April 28, 2012 by LaLa

So here’s the thing with vouchers.  Sometimes, they are simply for introductory ‘teaser’ sessions that leave you wanting more.  And that is precisely what happened when I took that Tantric workshop back in early March.

Seriously? Again?

It was an incredible evening that led me to sign up for an entire weekend course, which started yesterday, continued all day today, and runs again for a full day tomorrow.  This type of class, although very rewarding, is completely exhausting, believe it or not, since it is highly emotionally charged and introspective.  I have to say, it’s been a very long time, if ever, since I have done this much navel-gazing, and I actually mean that metaphorically – at least, so far.  Gawd only knows what tomorrow will bring.

In terms of picking something for my new thing of the day, there truly were a plethora of options to choose from.  Here is but a small smattering of things that I can honestly say I have never done before today:

  • I walked to a local park with a group of people, then split off to heighten one of my senses at a time, without talking to anyone.  The first round consisted of staring at everything in a macroscopic way for a few minutes, followed by a similar exercise for a tiny microscopic area.  Next, we went off to close our eyes and just listen to the sounds that surrounded us.  Then, we walked around touching everything, from trees to pine cones to dandelion leaves.  And finally, we smelled everything we could, including the flowers en route back to class.  Like Pavlov’s dog, we all came running back to regroup and discuss between rounds at the sound of some lovely Asian bells chiming together.
  • I later silently found myself standing in front of a person, with our heart chakras opened to loving energy, staring into their eyes for a while, and then verbally praising them for about half a minute, before they kindly reciprocated.  We each repeated this exercise about a dozen times with different workshop participants.  At the end of it, we all felt calm and invincible.
  • After that, I participated in a group of women to share some of the reasons we… well, I can’t talk about that bit.  It’s like fight club.  Or Vegas.  You had to be there.  Next…
  • We Shakti goddesses danced around our Shiva men, welcoming them back from their own male bonding excursion.
  • We all sat down around a table cloth on the floor inside to eat our lunches, kind of like an indoor picnic.

Choose your weapon of wonderment.

The above activities, and really so much more, were building to the crescendo of the night, which was a sensual ritual.  While the ladies got glammed up, the men also primped and prepared the altar, which consisted of objects we all brought.  

I believe the goal was to feel ecstasy by basically being pampered and treated like royalty.  I know, my life is just so damn difficult (tried to avoid using words like hard and suck here…).  We all unleashed our inner rock stars, and got down to business, first honouring the men in the class, and then the women.  This consisted of using objects from the altar that brought pleasure, including sarongs, feathers, smooth objects, beads, and, of course, bite-sized chunks of food, on our victims – uh, I mean, classmates.

So, I seized the moment and literally bit the hand that fed me raspberries, chocolate and mandarin orange slices.  It just seemed appropriate, at the time.  And who am I not to pounce on an opportunity like that?  Okay, it was really my inner Shakti that made me do it…  She really can’t be trusted.

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Day 58: Try Electrolysis.

Posted on April 27, 2012 by LaLa

DISCLAIMER FOR THE MEN:  Guys, I’m telling you now, you may want to skip over this particular post and read a different one, or go make a sandwich, and maybe watch the game (any sport will do!  Heck, even porn would be better).  Today’s entry is really geared towards the ladies.  Trust me on this one, and consider yourself warned.

As a woman in her late-ish thirties, I’ve noticed a few things have been changing in recent years.  For one, my hormones are completely out of whack.  It’s like they’re angry adolescents, out to prove something.  Their first order of mutiny was to start sprouting hair in gawd forsaken places.  It is precisely this fact that encouraged me to try today’s new thing:  electrolysis.  I mean, granted, it was also seductively dangled in front of me as a voucher… What’s a frugal girl to do?

Now, I’ve been blessed with fair hair, especially since my father could very well be the missing link. He and my brother are probably the hairiest people I’ve ever seen (except for the sizeable bald patches on the tops of their heads – why is that?).  So when I started to notice a few stray hairs emerging on my chin several years ago, I barely paid them any attention, and eventually thought nothing of plucking them out.

Little did I realize that this was precisely the ammunition these hormonal by-products were looking for, and they came back with a vengeance, in much larger numbers, brandishing infinitely deeper roots.  So, I retaliated with the help of my aesthetician, who introduced them to the hot wax.  Alas, this only seemed to infuriate them even more.  Clearly, we needed reinforcements.  So, we decided to pull out the really big gun, and turned to the laser.  Well, that definitely showed the sprinkling of dark follicles death’s door; however, the practically albino small fuzzy patch seemed even more determined to stick around, and simply smirked at our efforts.  So much sass!  Well, desperate times called for desperate measures.

As with many of my new things, I did not completely think this one through, nor did I do sufficient research on it ahead of time.  Sure, I had heard of electrolysis over the years, but I merely associated it with the barbaric beauty practices of the pre-laser sixties and seventies.  Something about getting rid of individual hairs one at a time, and with needles, didn’t exactly appeal to me, go figure.

It was with precisely this kind of trepidation that I stepped into the Advanced Institute of Electrolysis earlier today, and met the founder, Victoria, who has been running the clinic for years, and is now joined by her two daughters.  Victoria used to be a pharmacist, back in the day, and is delighted to be able to explain the chemistry of electrolysis to me, which rings an incredibly faint bell.  Basically, a very thin needle is inserted into the hair follicle and then blasted with electricity to kill the hair, which is then removed, and does not regrow.  The challenge is that it takes time, because you have to treat each hair individually, and different follicles will grow hair at different rates and times.   The big benefit, though, is that, if you can stick it out for weekly or so visits over the course of a few months, the end results are actually permanent, which you cannot say for any other hair removal method.  Believe me, I checked.

If you’ve ever been for a facial before, and endured the ‘extraction’ pain, then this will feel familiar to you, as it’s about the same – surprisingly less painful than I was expecting.   You do feel the very small needle pricks as they’re happening, but Victoria, being very experienced, moves swiftly, so there is little discomfort.  The experience is capped off with the immediate gratification of having the zapped, defunct hairs pulled out on the spot.

I have to say, it wasn’t horrendous.  And the patch bothers me enough, that I think I probably will return for the next few months to just get it over and done with, once and for all.  I probably should have done so sooner, rather than wasting money on all those waxing sessions… But hey, this blog is not called Hindsight 20/20.  So I’m grateful for the introduction to a ‘new’ 130-year old form of torture in the name of beauty, and let’s just leave it at that, shall we?

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Day 57: Shamanic Journey Circle.

Posted on April 26, 2012 by LaLa

Clearly, I've lost the plot!

I picked up a lot of expressions during my two years in Ireland, but by far my favourite is this one: telling somebody when they’ve lost the plot.  It’s the Celtic and British equivalent of letting someone know that they’ve gone on such a tangent and are now so far removed from reality, that they’re essentially completely bonkers.  You’d be surprised at just how satisfying it is to say to, well, anyone.

The reason I’m bringing it up is that I found myself uttering it to myself tonight on my way home, and I have a feeling that you will be tempted to mention it to me, too, after reading today’s post.  And we’ll probably both be right.

If you have no idea what a shamanic journey circle is, then you are in the vast majority.  I stumbled upon the concept while I was browsing through local MeetUp groups, and it fascinated me so much, that I felt compelled to join the club immediately.  By the way, I’m planning on using MeetUp as an escape clause to justify any strange things that I do from this point on, almost like my very own ‘Blame Canada‘ anthem from South Park.

To prepare for my inaugural Shamanic Journey Circle, I actually bought and read an entire book that was recommended by our hostess, called “Shamanic Journeying: A Beginner’s Guide“.  At less than a hundred pages, it was the perfect size for reading while standing on my Ultra Vibe machine, shaking my booty ten minutes at a time.

The basic concept behind it is that we are surrounded by spirit guides in a parallel universe, where time is not exactly linear.  These spirits typically take the form of power animals and human teachers, and are almost always available to consult on any questions we may be struggling with in our everyday physical reality.

There are three other worlds to which we can journey, in a more or less trance-like state, where we can meet them for a little heart to heart:

  1. The Lower (or Under) World, which is reportedly the easiest to reach, by visualizing something like traveling down a hole, a la Alice in Wonderland;
  2. The Upper World, which can perhaps be reached by picturing yourself soaring from a mountain top, or going up in an elevator; and
  3. The Middle World, which is the spiritual dimension of the one we usually inhabit, but which is also the one that tends to freak people out the most, since you can start seeing the spirits in everything, including plants, rocks and trees.

The basic cosmology of the three worlds is common throughout almost all ancient cultures.  Luckily, spirit guides have no trouble traversing between the Lower and Upper Worlds, so no worries about finding your peeps in whichever realm you manage to attain.

The harsh reality, though, is that we are so accustomed to being visually entertained that we may find it hard to communicate with our other senses.  This may, in fact, prevent us from successfully journeying altogether, as, generally speaking, your strongest sense (typically visual) in your conscious life can become your weakest sense on a shamanic trip.

Okay, so enough on the theory.  Here’s what happened when I met up with the group earlier this evening.  First of all, I was surprised to find about 30 people attended the circle, the majority being female.  There was an ‘altar’ of sorts in the middle, where people were encouraged to place a personal object or photograph around a burning candle.  I brought my little inukshuk, and was pleased to learn that it was a very appropriate choice (although I got the impression there really were no wrong ones).  There were about 5 of us who were complete newbies to the practice, which helped me to relax.

Our leader started off with ‘village’ announcements, followed by introductions and a recap on the journeying process.  Her best piece of advice was to tell us to simply go with whatever is happening, and see where it takes us.  If we get distracted, we should just breathe deeply and focus on our heartbeat to bring us back.  We needed to picture ourselves at our point of departure, have a clear intention of where we were going, and have a single open-ended question in mind, preferably starting with who, what, where, or how.  Upon meeting and confirming the identity of our helping spirit, us first-timers were encouraged to ask, ‘What message do you have for me tonight’?.

We first prepared the room with an invocation to get us all into an altered state (chemical-free, in case you were wondering).  This involved attuning ourselves to the rattles we were holding so that we were aware when they wanted us to shake them, and vocalizing any type of power song or humming that came into our heads, because apparently, spirits like noise.  Irish people, with their propensity to break out into song and tell stories at the drop of a hat, would be awesome at this.

Then, it was time for our first journey.  We laid down on our mats, like the spokes of a wheel inside the circle.  A typical journey lasts about 15 minutes, and is guided by four different sets of drumbeats.  I’ll be honest with you, it was tough, even for me, to let my mind wander beyond the room.  But eventually, stuff started flying into my head that completely surprised me, which was, in a word, odd.  After the drumbeats summoned us back into the room, we were given a chance to write down in our journals everything we remembered, and what we thought it all meant.  Similar to a dream, it faded rather quickly.  Some people then shared their experiences, and I was comforted to learn that others had also struggled to get started.

We then embarked on our second, and final, journey of the evening.  We were encouraged to ask for a healing tonight that was in our best interest.  This time, I opted to venture towards the Lower World, and found it much easier to attain than the Upper World.  All I can say is, holy crap!  It was not at all what I had expected, and Pixar’s got nothing on the crazy imagery that trampled through my head.

So there you have it.  I definitely met some interesting characters tonight, both of the physical and other worldly varieties.  Who knows, I may even try it again someday, just to freak myself out a little more.

I’m also thinking of making a posting on Craigslist, looking for the plot, because clearly, I’ve lost it.  In case you find it and want to send it my way, the one I am looking for is cute, multi-coloured, unpredictable, and answers to the name of ‘reality check’.  Approach it with caution, as it has been known to bite on occasion.

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Day 56: Bubbles of Love Day.

Posted on April 25, 2012 by LaLa

You may recall in one of my previous posts when I finally caved and joined LinkedIn, that I also became a member of MeetUp?  Well, this site is a veritable vortex, where you can literally lose yourself uncovering random and bizarre interest groups, with people getting together with like-minded spirits to celebrate their passions.  Frankly, it’s a breeding ground for crazy.  Naturally, I love it!

I mean, sure, there are logical, humdrum groups in there that like to drink wine, travel, discuss books, or go for dinners in their neighbourhoods.  But I challenge you to come up with a combination of wacky, if not flat out competing, interests, for which there is not already a faction formed (feel free to share your ideas as comments to this post, and maybe I’ll start the quirkiest one, because that would be a new thing…  Bacon-loving vegetarians, or leather-wearing vegans are probably already taken; best not to poke those bears with a stick).

I cannot even describe to you just how, um, unusual the very first MeetUp group is that I joined.  I’ll be meeting them for the first time tomorrow evening, and I’m so excited, I can hardly stand it!  The very next group I subscribed to was an obvious, and seemingly rational, choice, at least in comparison, whose mission is to discover new things happening in the city.  I mean, how perfect is that?!!

Choose your weapon...

Would you believe, then, that my very first MeetUp event came from this second, and purportedly sane, group?  And that was today, to gather in front of city hall at noon to blow bubbles in the name of love.  Strangely, nobody else was singing U2.  Weird.

The most astonishing part was when I did a little research on it.  Sweet Jayzus – it really exists!  The International Bubbles of Love Campaign is an actual thing, and this was its  seventh annual Bubbles of Love Day.  It was even celebrated on four continents last year.  The initiative was inaugurated right here in Canada by a wonderful soul named Sarvy Emo.  I met her today, and I have to say, she is definitely a person of interest – in a really good way!  She even got her boyfriend to willingly dress up in a hot and sweaty panda suit, she’s that awesome.

The fundamental purpose of the day is rooted in a genuinely caring idea:  to promote the Parental Alienation Awareness Organisation, whose aim is to help prevent children from becoming emotionally scarred due to some kind of separation from either one or both parents, typically as a result of divorce.  They want to educate parents on the longer-term consequences of their behaviour in front of their children, especially in terms of self-esteem.  Kids need to feel like they belong and are accepted by their parents unconditionally, even when they are out of sight, or acting really dumb.  They also need to believe that they came from good people, so that they believe they are good people, too.

Imagine how the world would be such a better place if we all just put love into everything we did?  Hey, is that John Lennon hiding behind you, in the bushes?  Oh no? (See what I did there?)

And on that note, I am sending you waves of love, even though I know all you secretly want to do is burst my beautiful bubbles.  Well, get over it, and go hug a kid – preferably one you know and are related to, and in an appropriate manner.  It’ll do you both some good.

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Day 55: Free COC Concert.

Posted on April 24, 2012 by LaLa

Just another chintzy Tuesday…  It is truly amazing what kinds of things you can find to do for free in this city when you do a little digging.  Unless, of course, you want to nitpick and count the token I used to take the streetcar to get there, in which case today’s new thing cost around C$3 (I walked home).  Oh, and I ate lunch nearby, and had a chai tea latte en route, but now we’re just splitting hairs.

The point being that I attended one of the free noon-hour concerts offered by the Canadian Opera Company (COC) in the Richard Bradshaw Ampitheatre inside the gorgeous Four Seasons Centre.  The shows are typically held on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with seating assigned on a first-come, first-served basis.

When I arrived at what I felt to be more than early at 11:35 am, and there was no line-up outside, I should have realized right then and there that something was amiss.  Apparently, people started queuing around 11, and the doors opened at 11:30, so all of the unreserved tiered seats were completely full.  Doh!  Damned devil, would you get out of the details already?!?

So, I sat on the floor behind a glass panel, through which I had clear enough sight lines of the performers.  The acoustics were still decidedly decent, so no point in complaining about my indifference to the fine print.  After all, the price was more than reasonable.

The spectacle today was entitled ‘New York State of Mind’, and featured the musical stylings (I heart that expression) of Lauren Margison on vocals, and Christopher Mokrzewski on piano, and was part of the COC’s Jazz Series.  The Free Concert Series also supports Vocal, Piano Virtuoso, Chamber Music, World Music, and Dance talents.  I’m definitely pleased with my choice.

Lauren is all of 19 years old, with several jazz recordings behind her, and was even invited to appear on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.  Not too shabby!  Christopher is a pianist, vocal coach and conductor, and is still under thirty.  Ah, kids today…  The audience had to chuckle when they broke out into ‘You Make Me Feel So Young’ about halfway through the performance, as it was pretty clear that they were having precisely the opposite effect on the crowd.

The program began with a couple of Billy Joel tunes, as a tribute to the show’s title track and inspiration.  Other hits then moved the audience to dream along to the rich and soulful music, including such classics as ‘Moon River’, ‘Come Fly With Me’, and that Casablanca classic, ‘As Time Goes By’.

Occasionally, Lauren would take a break, and Christopher would either play and take a turn singing a solo, or tickle the ivories with an instrumental number.  I was delighted by his rendition of a mesmerizing arrangement called ‘Peace Piece’ by Bill Evans.  In fact, I would say it was the highlight of the day for me.

Lauren’s strong soprano voice made Elton John and Bernie Taupin’s hit ‘Your Song’ simply soar, and her sheepish admission of talking Christopher into including a little cheese into the performance was endearing.  Even though there was no actual cheese available, anywhere.  Something about the acoustics being really sensitive in the amphitheatre, nothing in wrappers or with any crunch was permitted, blah blah blah.

Anywho… I have to admit that the closing numbers and encore song transported the crowd right out of their seats to a place where time seemed to stand still for a while and they could escape the every day hustle and bustle of the city.  In fact, the venue’s acoustics so completely insulated the sound of the cars whizzing by on University Avenue, that it contrasted with the musical performance, almost like a silent film backdrop that was kind of surreal.  All I can say is, that it was definitely outstanding value for the money.  Toronto, you continue to impress me.  Well played!

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